Behavior is a language - Dr. Josh Delony

Finding the clarity to leave

In today’s email, I’m sharing an interview of a conversation between Dr. Josh Delony and a young woman who knows she needs to make a decision to break an engagement. Read on. It’s powerful.

Hope You Had a Nice Weekend

Here Los Angeles, it was a gorgeous sunny weekend, especially on Saturday. Low 70s, light breeze, full sun.

I had a very proud moment as a dad. I was watching one of my daughters, my ten year old, during her horse riding lesson. It’s peaceful. I’m enjoying the sun, listening to podcasts. I looked down at my phone for a moment, then looked back up and she was no longer on the horse. She was on the ground, getting up, dusting off.

For the first time ever, her horse bucked her off. I was slightly frozen. She seemed fine. Do I make a big deal about it? Or do I stay cool and confident? A lot of parenting decisions happen in milliseconds, which is why it’s good to know your values before the moment happens.

I saw her trainer running up to her. She gave her a giant hug. Then my daughter immediately grabbed the horse’s reins, walked over to the mounting blocks, and got back on the horse.

Getting back in the saddle is exactly what she did within moments. I didn’t have to say a word. It was something I’ll probably never forget.

About this letter

In this letter, I intend to bring you the latest motivational content from the internet so that you can apply it to your personal life. Most of my clients are going through some very challenging personal growth experiences (sometimes involuntarily), so I hope this letter will bring you some inspiration, motivation, or just peace.

Today in Tomorrow

Should I Call Off My Wedding (April 20, 2023) - The Dr. Josh Delony Show

On Sunday, I took my really long run around Hermosa and Redondo Beach. I tuned in to last Wednesday’s episode of The Dr. Josh Delony Show (“Should I Call Off My Wedding?”). I really enjoy listening to Delony because he brings a positive, energetic presence to the calls. He helps people move forward. Seems like it would be cool to have a beer with him.

In this episode, a young woman, Heather, is engaged to marry a guy who refuses to get a job and move out of his uncle’s house even though she gave him an ultimatum to get a job or they wouldn’t get married.

Ultimatum passed. Her fiancé didn’t get a job, won’t get one, won’t help them chart a path for a future life together, and now Heather is struggling with the decision to pull the trigger and leave. “I’m sorry that your heart’s broken,” Delony said (8:21) about the moment.

“You’ve heard me say it a million times, behavior is a language” (8:50). “Behavior as language” is an amazing way to describe something that’s really subtle and confusing to many of us. We love someone, they say things we want to hear, we give them the benefit of the doubt, and then they don’t follow through. They promise to do better. They don’t.

Behaviors speak louder than words, which is why “behavior is a language” is so helpful to my mind.

“I’m heartbroken for you. You wish he was the guy who would be your guy,” but he’s not, said Delony.

Then Heather says something really powerful, something that some of us might have thought to ourselves before we got married if we would have slowed down enough to listen to ourselves. She said, “I was starting to feel like I was going into the marriage knowing it was going to end in divorce” (10:07). I often wonder how many red flags my clients missed or ignored at the start.

Delony responded, “I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. Most people don’t have the courage to say, ‘Turn the lights on, turn the music off. What are we doing? Stop the party’” (10:15).

You’ve got goals for who you want to be, what you want life to be, and you’re telling me this isn’t the guy, he affirms her. But then, most importantly, he acknowledges how hard this decision is but how important it is by saying, “Don’t compromise your values and who you want to become just because it’s uncomfortable and hard right now” (11:37).

How many of us are currently compromising our values and identity to avoid discomfort?

Get in Touch With Me

I’m an attorney in the Los Angeles area. I work with clients in family law matters, like divorce, custody disputes, or post-judgment matters.

That said, I work differently from many attorneys, in that I focus heavily on supporting you through all aspects of it: the legal, financial, and emotional transitions. I help you move out of the past and into the future.

If you are in California, I’m happy to schedule a free initial consultation with you to help you chart a path forward.

If you are outside of California, we can still talk, but I can’t give you legal advice (nor would you want me to as all family law is state-specific).