"Why did it take you so long to ask?"
We're going deep on a painful experience that so many of my clients go through
In this Today in Tomorrow, I've got inspiration and motivation for you from Ed Mylett, Sanjay Gupta (I think; read on), Maria Menouos, Glennon Doyle, Rachel Hollis, and the Daily Boost. But what I dive deeper into is a conversation with Josh Delony I think a lot of my clients can relate to.
How is it already May?
Sorry I didn’t show up for you yesterday. Writing these letters isn’t a big lift at all. I got a little distracted at the dermatologist’s office. Didn’t expect to stay so long, but I unexpectedly had the opportunity to do a few things while I was there, so I took it: hoping to be 10% better looking by this time next week!
Anyway, the fact that we’re already into May hit me like a ton of bricks today. The year is dangerously close to half over. Like, seriously, I’m still dating things as 2022 at this point. I don’t know if you share my panic regarding this situation, but my God life moves fast. We all need to make the most of it—and sooner, rather than later.
I hope you are doing well today. I think about all my clients, past and present, quite a bit, so odds are I was thinking about you.
About this letter
Today in Tomorrow brings you the latest motivational and personal development content from the internet so you can apply it to your personal life. Most of my clients are going through some very challenging personal growth experiences (sometimes involuntarily), usually in the form of a divorce, custody issue, or other family law matter. I hope this letter will bring you some inspiration, motivation, or just peace.
Today in Tomorrow
The Dr. John Delony Show - I Am Worried, Jealous, and Insecure (May 2, 2023) 🎧
A 25 year old woman with three children under eight left her marriage because “she was very alone.” (40:36) They met in high school, their first child was a “prom baby,” he joined the military shortly after they got married, and she was left to build a life for herself and her children. Alone, basically.
She felt single her whole marriage even though she was ostensibly a two parent household. (41:30) He was a provider more than anything, but his job stressed him out, and their marriage suffered. Marriage counseling didn’t work. I get the impression he never really saw her at all, or at least she never felt seen by him.
The divorce started when, one day, he looked at her and said, “You’ve been acting weird these past three months.” (42:16) And she asked herself, “Why did it take you so long to ask?” (42:20) I’ve heard stuff like this from my clients before, and it’s heartbreaking. But Delony makes the painful point that it’s an unfair question, basically because he was going through stuff too. (42:30) I mean they’re so young, it’s almost impossible that they had the maturity to communicate effectively. They may have expected each other to mind read. (43:00)
Anyway, fast forward to the part where I hear my clients suffer the most when going through the divorce process. In sorting out child custody, she asked him to not “bring some random girl around their kids.” (43:45) “That’s all I asked from him.”
But just three months later and his new girlfriend starts showing up at their kid’s soccer game. (44:18) Delony asks a few questions and finally settles on, “What’s the hole in your heart over this?” (44:35) She’s furious that he didn’t even give her the “respect that was all I asked for.”
Then Delony digs even deeper and says, “Here’s a hard question for you. You asked for the divorce. Why are you still giving him access to your heart in this way?” (44:20)
This question causes her to break down, and where I’ve seen so many of my clients break down too. She’s mad because all of a sudden he starts becoming the man she wished he would have been for her. “He’s doing everything for her that I asked for for so long.” (46:38) That is a brutal and painful experience.
“All of a sudden he’s so interested in their education, and sports, and the this and that.” (47:06) Delony suggests that he paid a very high price for what happened in the divorce and might be working on himself. It’s a very touching segment, so if you’re suffering with this, I hope you will give it a listen to hear what he says next.
More motivation and inspiration
📩 The One Thing (on LinkedIn) from Tony Robbins posted a new letter from Tony: My Career Curveballs (May 1, 2023). I love this particular letter for you, even though it’s aimed at the crop of graduates coming out of school soon. He tells us both our careers and our lives throw us curveballs. Not being able to hit them and striking out doesn’t mean the game is lost, so long as you pivot. Finally, “there are people who see you for who you are, and there are people who see you for who you can become. Be the latter for yourself.”
Tony’s stuff works for me, and by the way the science proves it, but the thing I really loved about this letter is how he revealed more than ever about his earlier childhood. I’ve always been very curious how he became the person he is, and this letter was really interesting, and charming.
🎧 The Ed Mylett Show posted Have Better Sex with Dr. Emily Morse (May 2, 2023). It doesn’t get much more intimate than that. Well, maybe that’s not true. In any event, someone please give this one a listen and let me know how it is (instead of how I almost wrote hot, so if that’s let me know too).
🎧 Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s podcast, Chasing Life, posted The Assignment with Audie Cornish (May 2, 2023). (I see you. I’m confused too. Is is Sanjay’s podcast? Audie’s?). In this episode, Audie interviews two therapists, Dr. Arianna Brandolini and Dr. Luana Marques.
🎧 Heal Squad from Maria Menounos posted episode number 652 Hack Your Way to More Energy, Better Mental Health and a Longer Life! Balance That Blood Sugar with Biochemist Jessie Inchauspe (May 2, 2023). Phew. That’s a long title. In fact, it’s so long I felt tired and ate a bag of kids’ gummy bears just now.
🎧 We Can Do Hard Things from Glennon Doyle posted Priyanka Chopra Jones: How to Care Less About What People Think (May 2, 2023). She’s a best selling author of Unfinished and well known actor. I could definitely turn that “what do people think of me” nerve down, don’t know about you.
🎧 The Rachel Hollis Podcast posted episode number 408: How to Love the Journey: A Guide to Finding the Joyful Side of Parenting (May 2, 2023). For me, I love parenting, so I’m planning on listening to this tonight.
🎧 Daily Boost Motivation and Coaching posted episode #4,560 on Why Out of the Box Thinking Doesn’t Always Work (May 2, 2023). The idea is that sometimes staying “in the box” actually works well because you know what to do. Sometimes you just need to clear the bad junk out of the box. Cleverly, he suggests getting rid of the box altogether :-)
Did I miss anything? Drop me a note to michael@michaelricelaw.com.
I listen well, and I keep secrets. Let’s talk.
I’m an attorney in the Los Angeles area. I work with clients in family law matters, like divorce, custody disputes, or post-judgment matters.
I work differently from many attorneys, in that I focus heavily on supporting you through all aspects of it: the legal, financial, and (especially) the emotional transitions. I help you move out of the past and into the future. It’s my favorite way to work.
If you are in California, I’m happy to schedule a free initial consultation with you to help you chart a path forward.
If you are outside of California, we can still talk, but I can’t give you legal advice (nor would you want me to as all family law is state-specific).
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